As Christmas time approaches this year, it has been different. Of course I have put up my decorations, trimmed the tree, gone to the work Christmas party, watched Christmas movies. But for the first time I am beginning to understand why the holidays are painful for some. Every year that Nathan and I wait for a family, it gets harder. The holidays are all about family and children and I feel that void more than ever this year. Maybe it is because of my latest miscarriage or the fact that I have TWO sisters in law pregnant, and it seems you can't turn on the television without some celebrity announcing their pregnancy (congrats princess Kate.)
. Recently my surgery helped discover and fix some issues in my body, but that seems to only make me anxious. Every time i think the doctor is going to tell me I can't get pregnant, theres no way....I get an answer that pushes us on to keep trying. Although my surgery only happened a couple months ago, I guess I was hoping that by some miracle of miracles I would already be pregnant.
The biggest thing helping me through right now is prayer. It helped me sit through a room full of women at a baby shower, gushing about babies and cute presents. It really was a comforting and amazing experience to pray to Heavenly Father and to feel comfort and peace as that prayer was answered. I think sometimes the hardest thing is to be happy for others when you are waiting on that same blessing. Boy is this trial trying to teach me that. I think I am getting better at it, I hope i am getting better at it! As I venture through this holiday season, I have thought a bit more about the atonement. Especially about how Christ suffered all things. In ALL things, I know he feels my pain. I heard recently at Time out for women, a speaker talking about laying our burdens at the Lords feet. Instead of carrying it and struggling with it, to take it to the Lord and turn it over to him. On the days I do that, I am happiest and it helps as I continue waiting on blessings. And as I wait on some blessings, how can I not recognize the things that I have been blessed with. A year ago, I was sitting in a tiny apartment, in another state, teaching where I wasn't very happy while Nathan was working nights, weekends and holidays. 13 is my lucky number...so bring on 2013!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Utah Here I Come
Growing up in California, I had never even been to Utah. I loved California and everything about it. The weather...the beach...the things to do. Then I went away to school. I will always remember driving into Provo for the first time and looking up at those big mountains. They seemed so majestic. I loved sitting in my apartment south of BYU and listening to the sound of the thunder bounce off the mountains. It was amazing and beautiful. I fell in love with Utah that summer.
Now after 5 years of being away, I can't wait to return! Of course my number one thing I am looking forward to is being close to my family and friends, but now that I am mere weeks away I have started thinking of all of the things that I can't wait to do. So for fun, I thought I would list them here....in no particular order.
1. Go to Gardner Village at Halloween!
2. Go to the Tulip festival at Thanksgiving point.
3. BYU creamery
4. Attend a BYU football game at Lavell Edwards Stadium
5.See the lights on temple square
6. Go to park city during sundance
7. Eat at the Roof (Never done )
8. Venture into Ute territory and eat at the Pie (Never done)
9. Drive the Alpine Loop in the fall
10. Visit bridal veil falls and provo canyon in the summer
11. Visit City Creek
12. Get fried ice cream at Los Hermanos
13. Order fry sauce
14. Attend general conference
15. Cafe Rio!
16. Go boating on a lake in the summer
17. Go camping at Bear Lake in the summer and have a raspberry shake
18. Finally learn to snowboard
19. Visit the Manti pageant
20. Go to the shakespeare festival in Cedar City
21. Order an Apple Beer and pasta at Brick Oven
22. Watch a show at Hale Center Theater
23. Attend a Jazz game
Why do so many involve food?? I can't wait to introduce Nathan to all things Utah or to call up my girlfriends and go do something!
Can't wait, Can't wait, Can't wait!
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